Support for you

Support for you

There are resources and communities that can help you navigate the experience of parenting a gender creative child or trans youth.

Peer support

Family members and friends can be a great source of support. However, they may not have lived experience as a parent of a gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. child or trans youth. 

Sometimes, it can help to connect with others who have walked a similar path. Shared experiences can give you insights and better understanding. Connecting with other parents and caregivers can help you feel less alone and give you a chance to build lifelong friendships. 

As you gain experience and wisdom, involvement in peer support lets you give back by mentoring new parents and participating in advocacy and social change efforts. 

Check out our Peer Support Directory for information about groups and networks in your area.

Professional support

Parents may not always agree about parenting decisions. A mix of thoughts and feelings may arise as you learn about your child’s gender-related needs. Some support conversations are best to have with a trained professional. Counselling can help support you and help bring parents and caregivers together to share information and discuss ways they can better support their child. 

Juggling the needs of your kids and partner, along with work and advocacy, all while learning what it means to parent a gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. child or trans youth may feel overwhelming. Counselling can be a way to take care of yourself so you are ready to support others.

For more information, visit Finding a Counsellor. 

Finding appropriate care

Not all health care providers have training and experience in gender-affirming care Processes through which a health care system cares for and supports an individual while recognizing and acknowledging their gender and expression. . It is helpful to find a provider who feels like a good fit and a place where your child and you can talk openly about gender and related health needs.

It is important to seek out health care providers who are open to working with parents and caregivers of gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. children and trans youth, or providers who are willing to learn how to provide the best possible care. If your care provider is unable or unwilling to support this part of your family’s care, they should be able to offer you referrals and information about where else you can go.

Contact the Trans Care BC health navigation team for more information on finding professional support resources in your community. 

Gender-affirming parenting practices

Parents may be asked to travel a long way in a short time. Parenting a gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. child or trans youth is often an unexpected journey. It can be confusing and overwhelming.

After realizing that a child is gender creative or trans, there may be a big period of adjustment for the family. Parents often need time to figure out how to adjust their parenting to support their children. However, sometimes children and youth have been considering their gender for a long time, and this time, others in their lives need to catch up to them, which can be difficult.

Here are some steps you can take to better prepare yourself to meet the needs of your gender creative child or trans youth.

  • Educate yourself — Getting your questions answered can relieve anxiety and help you plan for your child’s needs. There are many resources on this website. If you have trouble finding what you need, Contact Us, and we will do our best to connect you with resources and support.
  • Access support — Work through your feelings, whether of loss, worry or confusion. Connecting with other parents through a peer support group or online network can help. Talking with a counsellor may help you process your emotions so you can focus more clearly on your child’s needs.
  • Take time for self-care — Take care of yourself so that you can be ready to support your child. Self-care sets a good example for your child. It shows them that joining a support group, making new friends who share your experiences and taking care of yourself are important things to do.

Creating a supportive environment

The goal of gender-affirming parenting is to provide an environment in which your child can safely explore and express their authentic gender. 

The practices below can be used in parenting any child, but they can be especially valuable in creating affirming environments for those who are gender creative or trans.

  • Affirm, value and love your child for who they are today.
  • Remain open to all possibilities for who they will become.
  • Support their exploration of gender identities and expressions.
  • Create an affirming space to talk about gender identity A person's deeply held, internal sense of themself as male, female, a blend of both or neither. (Source: GenderSpectrum.org) through language, conversations, books and play.
  • Teach them the language they need to talk about gender.
  • Talk about the many ways people identify and express their gender.
  • Ensure they have access to accurate information.
  • Allow conversations to unfold over time as your child is ready.
  • Listen to what your child tells you about their gender through their words and actions.
  • Provide the support and affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. they need from you all along the journey.

Your affirmation, acceptance and love are crucial for healthy development. They support authenticity and safety — especially safety within your child, in your relationship with your child and in your home.

Your child is on their own journey to figure out who they are and how they will live in the world. Follow their lead as they learn about who they are and help them through challenges. Let them know you will be there for them wherever life takes them. This will have lasting effects on their health and relationships.

Safety and privacy

Each family's circumstances differ, and parents and caregivers must assess how affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. may impact their child's safety. 

Safety and authenticity

Working with supportive loved ones, care providers, schools/sports teams and other community connections to collaboratively promote the wellbeing of children and youth can minimize the challenges they may face. This type of planning is called support planning or care planning Process that a person, their health care providers, family and other supporters undertake in planning to reach their gender-affirming care goals. and may cover topics such as:

  • Disclosure — Who your child wants to know about their gender
  • Confidentiality — How personal information about your child’s gender is handled, such as through school records
  • Bullying and conflict — How to manage issues should they arise and who your child can go to should they need to. 
  • Washroom/change room use — What are the safest and most ideal options for washroom and change room use?

There are templates and resources you can use to guide support planning in the Working with Schools section.

In the home

Authenticity and safety often go hand in hand within the home. In this small environment, you can provide an affirming place for your child without compromising safety. 

Outside the home, children constantly receive messages about gender from social environments. These messages (such as binary and segregated washrooms and recreation activities) can cause distress when internalized. 

While a safe home environment can foster emotional wellbeing and help children and youth cope with gender-related stress, challenges around authenticity and safety often emerge in settings such as extended family gatherings, schools, places of worship and community spaces.

How to approach environments outside the home

Safety concerns may arise about teasing, harassment, rejection, exclusion and violence. The physical and emotional risks can be significant. Parents face tough choices about how to support their children while keeping them as safe as possible.

Here are some ways to help make environments that your child regularly engages in safer:

  • Listen to what your child tells you with their words and actions — Watching younger children play and act out their experiences may help you understand how they see the world, what's helping them and what support they might need.
  • Prepare your child for the world now and in the future — Make sure they know that there is nothing wrong with them; it is others who have issues with gender. Work for change to create the kind of world that your child deserves.
  • Advocate for your child — They deserve safe access to education and recreation services just like any other child. Advocacy may be needed in several settings, such as schools, sports teams and summer camps. Parents are often the primary advocates, but children and youth can learn to be strong self-advocates as well. Professionals can also be enlisted as advocates; they can write letters documenting what supports your child needs, attend school meetings, provide staff training and help you prepare to advocate for your child. 
  • Plan for safety — Make sure your child can reach you or another support person if they feel unsafe.
  • Signal respect — For example, ask all family members to use your child's correct name and pronouns.

Children and youth often spend a significant amount of time at school. Our Working with Schools section provides further information about safety, planning, and navigating schools.

Privacy and disclosure

Every child or youth’s situation is unique. There are times when parents need to decide whether or not to disclose their child’s gender identity A person's deeply held, internal sense of themself as male, female, a blend of both or neither. (Source: GenderSpectrum.org) .

You and your child may want to disclose their gender identity to others, such as:

  • Another parent who is hosting a sleepover party
  • A summer camp director
  • A child care provider

Sometimes, disclosure is needed to get care for your child or support for yourself. Disclosure to affirming people can also help build a strong support network for your family.

Your child’s privacy

When considering disclosure, think about the risks and benefits regarding your child’s safety and their gender authenticity. Your child may want to be out to the whole world about their gender creativity or trans identity. They also may want to keep that part of their identity private. Both are okay, and often families operate somewhere in the middle. 

Remember to check in with your child about the level of privacy that is important to them and to discuss when disclosure may be necessary (such as health care). 

A child’s level of comfort with disclosure will likely fluctuate over time. If they choose to self-disclose, this can bring up a lot of feelings (like pride, empowerment, fear or anxiety). You can play a key role in supporting children and youth as they learn to navigate privacy and disclosure in different social situations.

Resources

These online resources offer practical information for parents and families. 

  • Families in Transition — A resource guide for parents of trans youth — Central Toronto Youth Services
  • Family Education Information: Supportive Families, Healthy Children — Family Acceptance Project
  • Impacts of Strong Parental Support for Trans Youth — TransPulse
  • Family Acceptance Project — Resources to help families support their lesbian, gay Someone who is primarily attracted to those of the same gender. The term is often but not exclusively used to refer to men. , bisexual Someone who is attracted to and may form relationships with people of at least two genders. Some bi people define the "bi" in bisexuality as referring to two types of attraction: to their own gender and to other genders. and transgender (LGBTQ) children, from San Francisco State University.
  • Gender Creative Kids — Resources for gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. kids and their families, schools and communities.
  • Gender Identity — A resource by the Canadian Pediatrics Society that supports families in their journey in exploring gender development and identity.
  • Gender Spectrum — Parenting and family resources.
  • Our Trans Loved Ones — Questions and answers for parents, families and friends of people who are transgender and gender expansive, from PFLAG.
  • Trans Rights BC — Human rights information relevant to the safety and wellbeing of trans and gender diverse Refers to gender roles and/or gender expression that do not match social and cultural expectations. individuals and their supportive allies across British Columbia. Produced by the Catherine White Holman Centre and the VCH Transgender Health Information Program and reviewed by Barbara Findlay, QC.

Books for parents and families

  • The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes. New York, NY: The Experiment. Ehrensaft, D. (2016).
  • Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son. New York, NY: Broadway Books. Duron, L., Harris, N. P., & Burtka, D. (2013).
  • The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals. San Francisco, CA: Cleis Press. Brill, S. A., & Pepper, R. (2008). 
  • The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Umbrella term referring to people whose gender does not fall within the binary gender system of woman/girl or man/boy. Some individuals identify as non-binary while others may use terms such as gender non-conforming, genderqueer, or agender. Non-binary people may or may not conform to societal expectations for their gender expression and gender role, and they may or may not seek gender-affirming medical or surgical care. Teens. Brill, Stephanie and Kenney, Lisa. Cleis Press, 2016.

Videos and movies

To find copies of these books and other resources listed above:

Need support?

Contact our team of experienced health navigators for information about gender-affirming care in B.C.

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