Affirmation & social transition
Discover how to support your child so they can live in their authentic gender without medical intervention.
How your child expresses themselves
Gender creativity and expressions of gender diversity may emerge at any age. Gender fluidity and cross-gender play are natural parts of child and human development. For many children, this is just part of childhood, and no additional support is needed.
Some children understand their gender differently and feel a strong need to express it. These children may require some professional support outside of the family. They may also require a social support plan involving families, schools, peers, and in some cases, care providers. If your child has asked for help regarding their gender, it’s important to listen and respond positively.
Affirmation
For gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. , trans and Two-Spirit A term used within some Indigenous communities to reflect complex Indigenous understandings of gender and sexuality and the long history of sexual and gender diversity in Indigenous cultures. Two-Spirit encompasses sexual, gender, cultural and spiritual identity. It may refer to cross-gender, multi-gender or non-binary gender roles, non-heterosexual identities, and a range of cultural identities, roles and practices embodied by Two-Spirit peoples. Some people also use "2-Spirit" or "2S." (Source: Battered Women’s Support Services) children, the need for support around gender affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. can be gradual or sudden.
Sometimes, social affirmation is about the child changing how they show themselves to the world. Other times, affirmation is about the people around them understanding, accepting and affirming the gender the child has always known. This could look like your child sharing and having discussions with you around their experiences of their own gender. Your child may not need or want any changes.
Making space to talk about gender and allowing for changing expression can be very meaningful for a gender-diverse child. Children of all ages may avoid these discussions if they feel they may upset or disappoint their parents or caregivers.
The importance of affirmation
Affirmation of a child’s gender by other people in their life contributes to wellbeing.
- Affirmation allows children to explore their gender more fully, without shame or fear of judgment.
- Affirmation is flexible. For example, a child who tries new names and pronouns may decide those changes are not right for them. They might begin using their previous name and pronouns again or try different names and pronouns.
- Childhood is an important time for self-discovery, and gender development is a natural part of this process.
Social transition
Some children and families may take steps beyond affirmation The ways a person can be supported in expressing their self-identified gender. This may involve supporting social transition steps or changes in gender expression. in order to support the child's authentic gender. Social transition describes non-medical changes a person may make as part of their gender journey. This journey is different for every person.
Social transition is an aspect of transition that can be considered at any age. For those children who feel that their gender expression How a person outwardly communicates their gender, including name and pronoun choice, style of dress, and voice modulation. (Source: QMUNITY) needs to shift in order to feel aligned, there are a range of non-medical steps that they can think about or try. These include:
- Changing gender expression — Such as their clothing, accessories or hairstyles.
- Changing their pronouns and name — They may want to use or try out a different name or different pronouns.
- Changing how they access gendered community or school spaces — Such as washrooms, change rooms, sports teams or clubs.
Each child and family’s needs, journey and preferences are different. For some families social transition may be something that doesn’t require any outside support. Other families may benefit from the involvement of care providers, such as family doctors, pediatricians, psychologists or counsellors.
Is social transition the right choice?
Parents often wonder whether social transition is the right decision for their child. Here, we address some common questions and concerns:
Children as young as two or three can know and express their authentic gender. There is no particular age that children need to reach before they are ready to live in their authentic gender.
Listen to what your child tells you about their gender and how they want to express it. If they are clearly expressing their need for support around transition or to be affirmed in their authentic gender, pay attention to these signs.
For more information, read the Safety and Privacy section.
Each child's process is different. There may be name changes (more than once) and pronoun changes (more than once). There may be new hairstyles, makeup or clothes as your child uncovers their gender.
They may want to make many changes all at once or explore gender little by little. Listen to what your child needs to feel affirmed in their gender, and let them decide how fast or slow they want things to happen.
It’s possible that your child changes their mind. When children explore their gender, they may try various social transition options. Some of what they try may not feel like the right fit for them. Social transition steps are flexible, allowing your child to step back, figure out what feels right for them and move forward in another direction that may be more aligned with their authentic self.
Some families find reassurance in social transition by speaking with a counsellor, pediatrician or other health care professional.
When children who express certainty about their gender are supported in socially transitioning and given room to change and continue their gender development over time, their feelings of distress and anxiety typically improve.
Finding supportive counsellors, medical providers and other care team members can be important in supporting parents, children and families. If you are seeking resources for your family, the Trans Care BC health navigators can help.
Supporting social transition
If your child has expressed a need to socially transition and wants help, here are some questions to consider:
- Is your child able to express themselves? It’s important to create space to talk and better understand what your child is feeling. Non-judgmental conversations about gender and gender expression How a person outwardly communicates their gender, including name and pronoun choice, style of dress, and voice modulation. (Source: QMUNITY) help create a feeling of safety and belonging for gender creative A term that refers to children who identify and express their gender in ways that differ from societal and cultural expectations. Some gender creative children grow up to be trans and some do not. and trans children.
- What exactly is your child asking for? Do they need little adjustments or very big steps?
- Are there little and doable things that can happen right now?
- What would need to change so that your child can live in their authentic gender?
- Are there any wellness or safety concerns that need to be addressed?
- Who else can support your family (for example, extended family, friends, the school or a counsellor)?
- What is coming up for you? What support do you need as you support your child?
Contact our team of experienced health navigators for information about gender-affirming care in B.C.